The Bastard Cadre and The Enchanted Forest

Following on from A God-Blasted Land, The Bastard Cadre and The Enchanted Forest picks up with Avril Ethanson struggling to understand his place in the hierarchy of Lord Obdurin’s court at Frake’s Peak, but a chance encounter with a mysterious, outlawed gypsy princess, Falloomaloonadaria Smith, saves him from having to think too hard. Entranced by Falloomaloonadari’s beauty and utter contempt for him, Avril decides questions about his fate, the identities of his cadre-mates, and Lord Obdurin’s war with the Gods can wait. He’s horny and Ranora has been acting kind of clingy—what with the whole talking to him thing—ever since he smoked Rapta. So he decides it’s time for a gap year and takes off in a previously unhinted at direction leaving his friends and readers completely bemused about the point of the story.

In the grand tradition of second books in epic fantasy trilogies, The Bastard Cadre and The Enchanted Forest takes our fearless hero on an unexpected side trip to an enchanted forest that introduces illogical plot points, creatures that have no reason to exist, and a society where STDs have no power setting the author free to indulge in wish-fulfillment. The Bastard Cadre and The Enchanted Forest features Elvish-like creatures (who are nothing like other Elves and sparkle with originality) and a romance so awkward and clichéd it would make Robert Jordan blush. The story raises more questions than it answers while advancing the plot in no discernible way.

The Bastard Cadre and The Enchanted Forest is available absolutely nowhere except in the author’s nightmares.

Happy April Fools.